It’s hard to describe my feelings in these last few weeks. Everyday I anticipate the excitement of arriving at the Ottawa airport and seeing the faces of people I love. Everyday I think of how hard it will be to say goodbye to Stirling, to the friends we’ve made here, and the life we’ve so enjoyed. If we had never come here, we wouldn’t have to go through the heartache of leaving so much behind. Our knowledge of Scotland, of its rugged beauty and good people, would be limited to hearsay. But now we know, and when we’re gone, we’ll miss it. Nevertheless, the twinge of nostalgia is a small price to pay for such a rich life experience. I don’t want to protect myself from heartache by not seeing things, not meeting people, not loving life. That would be far too costly. Brendan and I are of the same mind: it is much better to expand our hearts to welcome more people and places – to make room for more of life – than to limit ourselves to what we already know, even at the risk of having to say goodbye.
In this time of lasts, there are also firsts, most notable of which was my first Mother’s Day (to a child I can see, that is – I considered myself a mother last year too, even though my baby wasn’t born). We went out for lunch to celebrate. I have expressed my thoughts on motherhood in previous posts – I love it and cannot imagine living any other life. Liam has been uncharacteristically cranky for the past couple weeks, which has challenged me – but although I’m worn out, I’m no less in love. Here’s our little guy at 8 months:
There will be many more firsts to come in the next few months, and many exciting things to look forward to: meeting babies that were born while we were away, moving back into our home, two family weddings, a niece due in September, holidays in New Brunswick… these things keep me from brooding too much over our imminent goodbyes. These, and a profound sense of gratitude for the gift of this year.
No comments:
Post a Comment