Resistance Training

Liam is growing a will. And with judgment and maturity acquired over nearly two whole years of life, he now wishes to assert himself. Enter Toddling Tyrant.

Yesterday he made it his mission to oppose me at every turn. He began the day by waking up at 5:30 with his grouch face on. Later in the morning, I thought he might like to go to the park, but he wanted to drive his ride-on trucks through the neighbour’s garden instead. When we finally did set out for the park, he wanted to change course before we got there and walk towards the busiest street in town. I insisted on the park and he ran around whining.

As I sat on a swing watching Liam wrestle with his bad mood, it occurred to me that motherhood is something like resistance training. The surest way to build muscle is to exercise it against some kind of resistance – our bodies become stronger when faced with an opposing force. Listening to my two-year-old whine, I couldn’t help but feel tired of being opposed. Then I realized that motherhood constantly pits a woman against an opposing force… or two, or many… Toddler wills become child wills, which evolve into teenage wills (the most pernicious of all!) – and as a child grows, he tests the substance of his individuality against his parents, resulting in opposition. I couldn’t help but sigh at the thought of this. I imagined myself a few years down the road with a house full of kids, throwing myself on my bed and lamenting, “Why can’t they just do what I say?!” But just as resistance training is good for muscles, I think it’s also good for the soul. If patience and generosity always came easily, would I really grow into a truly patient and generous person? I have to sweat it out in the gym of parenthood to bulk up my virtues. Someone who is effortlessly virtuous is kind of like those skinny-fat people – the ones who don’t put on weight, so they look reasonable fit, but they’re actually kind of soft and flabby. I want to have a robust character, not a skinny-fat one. And so the resistance is good for me, even though it’s hard. It’s good for Liam too, to be faced with opposition from me – we strengthen each other, soften each other’s rough edges, and learn how to live harmoniously by sometimes doing battle.

Fortunately for me, last night Brendan and I had planned a date. I gleefully drove Liam to his Auntie Liz and Uncle Chris’, where he behaved like an angel (my mom had warned me that kids often save their worst behaviour for their parents – aren’t we lucky?!). B and I enjoyed a great evening together, and as we drove back to pick up our boy, I found myself looking forward to scooping his sleepy little self into my arms. He may spend a large portion of his growing up life opposing me, but I’m willing to undergo the training so that I can always be strong enough to love him anyway.  

Displaying his persistent will to go outside...

If Mom won't help me with my shoes, I'll put them on myself!