Resistance Training

Liam is growing a will. And with judgment and maturity acquired over nearly two whole years of life, he now wishes to assert himself. Enter Toddling Tyrant.

Yesterday he made it his mission to oppose me at every turn. He began the day by waking up at 5:30 with his grouch face on. Later in the morning, I thought he might like to go to the park, but he wanted to drive his ride-on trucks through the neighbour’s garden instead. When we finally did set out for the park, he wanted to change course before we got there and walk towards the busiest street in town. I insisted on the park and he ran around whining.

As I sat on a swing watching Liam wrestle with his bad mood, it occurred to me that motherhood is something like resistance training. The surest way to build muscle is to exercise it against some kind of resistance – our bodies become stronger when faced with an opposing force. Listening to my two-year-old whine, I couldn’t help but feel tired of being opposed. Then I realized that motherhood constantly pits a woman against an opposing force… or two, or many… Toddler wills become child wills, which evolve into teenage wills (the most pernicious of all!) – and as a child grows, he tests the substance of his individuality against his parents, resulting in opposition. I couldn’t help but sigh at the thought of this. I imagined myself a few years down the road with a house full of kids, throwing myself on my bed and lamenting, “Why can’t they just do what I say?!” But just as resistance training is good for muscles, I think it’s also good for the soul. If patience and generosity always came easily, would I really grow into a truly patient and generous person? I have to sweat it out in the gym of parenthood to bulk up my virtues. Someone who is effortlessly virtuous is kind of like those skinny-fat people – the ones who don’t put on weight, so they look reasonable fit, but they’re actually kind of soft and flabby. I want to have a robust character, not a skinny-fat one. And so the resistance is good for me, even though it’s hard. It’s good for Liam too, to be faced with opposition from me – we strengthen each other, soften each other’s rough edges, and learn how to live harmoniously by sometimes doing battle.

Fortunately for me, last night Brendan and I had planned a date. I gleefully drove Liam to his Auntie Liz and Uncle Chris’, where he behaved like an angel (my mom had warned me that kids often save their worst behaviour for their parents – aren’t we lucky?!). B and I enjoyed a great evening together, and as we drove back to pick up our boy, I found myself looking forward to scooping his sleepy little self into my arms. He may spend a large portion of his growing up life opposing me, but I’m willing to undergo the training so that I can always be strong enough to love him anyway.  

Displaying his persistent will to go outside...

If Mom won't help me with my shoes, I'll put them on myself!

Visitors from Abroad

Among the many great gifts we received from our Marshall Adventures Abroad (as this blog was originally titled), the friendships we forged along the way remain preeminent. Last summer, we had the good fortune of meeting up with Ian and Elanor, an American couple who were our neighbours in Scotland and who happened to be visiting family in Maine while we were on holiday in New Brunswick. We spent a couple of days together, picking up where we left off in Scotland, as though no time had passed in the narrative of our friendship.

This summer, another friendship begun in Scotland saw its continuation on this side of the pond. Chris, a former classmate of Brendan’s, along with his girlfriend Alexandra, came to stay with us. Chris is Italian and Alex is Swiss-American. They were vacationing together in Vermont with the American side of her family, and decided to take a short trip up north to visit us. It was great to see Chris again and to meet Alex. Chris remarked when he arrived that people who make friends abroad often say, “You should come visit my home!” but it rarely happens – we were fortunate to fall outside that norm.

Our guests arrived last Saturday afternoon and left for New York City on Monday morning. It was a quick but memorable visit, complete with a tour of downtown Ottawa, good conversation, great meals, and of course, scotch, which Chris had brought from Stirling for Brendan. We parted ways having very much enjoyed our weekend, and hoping to find ourselves again under the same roof somewhere down the road.  

In the Peace Tower, Parliament Hill

Granny's 80th Birthday

My dad’s mom turned 80 on August 8^th. To celebrate the occasion, the Cogan clan gathered at Jennifer (my dad’s sister) and José’s house in Montreal. We were all there, save three cousins (two of whom were in other parts of the country and one overseas), which is a special occurrence in a large family. We congregated in Montreal on the afternoon of Saturday, August 18^th and shared a fantastic meal, orchestrated principally by Granny’s two daughters, Jennifer and Brenna. After dinner we gathered in the living room and my dad, the family orator, delivered a simple but meaningful tribute to his mom. To honour her, he compiled a list of titles which represented her many qualities and talents, including devoted wife and mother, thoughtful neighbour, seamstress, swim instructor, ringer of the dinner time cowbell, etc. The list stirred up memories in all of us – things we associate with Granny without even realizing it. The atmosphere of appreciation in the room reminded me of how important a mother really is to all members of her family. She binds them together, and her qualities, character, talents, and values make an impact on all of them. Granny did not (and still doesn’t) set out to impress people with her qualities and attributes – she simply did what she thought was best for her family, and what she felt would contribute to everyone’s happiness – but they make an impressive list nonetheless! In her quiet but firm way, she worked together with Grandad to build a solid foundation for her family, pouring herself into her five children, molding them into people of character. I hope that looking around the room that evening, she felt satisfied with the fruit her efforts have born. I sense that Granny genuinely doesn’t realize how important her role has been in her family, but I hope that she was able to perceive, as we acknowledged, confirmed and added to my dad’s list, just how much we love and appreciate her.

Left to right: Chris, Jennifer, Sean, Brenna, Tim
Ian, Mary

After the toast, Jennifer presented Granny with a gift from the family (a beautiful peridot pendant and earrings) and laughter rang out loud and long over a certain Google search undertaken by Brenna about tradition surrounding the August birthstone (those of us who were present will remember well ;). We then enjoyed a delicious red velvet birthday cake and stayed up late talking and laughing. Our hosts had invited us all to spend the night in their spacious home, so we gradually trickled off to bed, until even the most enthusiastic conversationalists (i.e. my husband) decided it was time to retire.

The next day began bright and early for those of us with babies (and for my mom, who has a habit of waking up obscenely early), so we took the little ones outside to avoid waking up the rest of the family. As more and more people emerged from their bedrooms, breakfast was laid out and the previous night’s activity of eating carried on seamlessly. A family photo was taken after breakfast, and then we Marshall’s said our goodbyes. Most of the others stayed for another few hours, and more food was brought out. Hunger is forbidden at family functions!!!

Granny & Grandad's Clan
(photos courtesy of Joel)

A few days later, Granny sent us all a message expressing her gratitude for the event. I’m glad she enjoyed herself so much. It was a great weekend all around, and a pleasure to celebrate someone who means so much to all of us. 

The Cottage

For as long as I can remember, Cumberland Point has been part of the landscape of my childhood. My grandparents acquired the little red farmhouse on Cumberland Point Road when my mom was a child and the family lived in Fredericton. It was already over a hundred years old at the time, and was sold to them by Burtis MacLean, who had purchased it from Archie Reese, who was born there. My parents bought it just before Grandpa passed away, to keep it in the family.

Year after year, we would arrive at the cottage road-worn but happy, to be greeted by hugs and kisses from Grandma and Grandpa Bourassa. We would wake up every morning to the smell of coffee and a bowl of Grandpa’s porridge, then curl up on the Nest to thumb through an old Reader’s Digest for the hundredth time (RD’s from 1995 can still be found on the bookshelf above the Nest). Sometime mid-morning we would make our way to the beach, often staying there all day. Grandpa always had projects on the go, with which my dad helped, and Grandma and Mom looked after meals, which were copious, but we kids spent our days playing. I was always happy when Grandma and Grandpa would come down to the beach, Grandma in her swimsuit and sunglasses and Grandpa in his trunks and unbuttoned Hawaiian t-shirt. I liked knowing that they were taking some time to relax and enjoy the afternoon sun. Sometimes we would have lunch on the beach – I remember one meal during which Baby Leah discovered that sand could be a yummy topping for crackers!

After dinner we would often light a bonfire by the beach, roast marshmallows, and sing songs we learned from Grandma and Grandpa, huddling closer and closer to the fire as the night got cooler. On other nights, we would sit around the table, playing cards and eating popcorn. Sometimes I would lie awake in bed listening to the comforting sound of rain on the tin roof, but most often I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Deep and restorative sleep was a given at the cottage.

Things happen much the same way now as they did then. Grandpa passed away in 2007, and Grandma hasn’t been to the cottage since their last trip together, but I always think of them when I’m there – as I suspect we all do. I can still see nearly eighty-year-old Grandpa on the roof of his shed, working intently, my dad alongside him praying he wouldn’t fall. My dad now follows in Grandpa’s footsteps, seeming to enjoy his holiday all the more when there are jobs to be done.

One of this year's jobs

There are always lots of people at the cottage. Our family alone makes for a good-sized group, and we are often joined by friends, either spending their holidays there or just passing through. This year Liam and I were there with my parents and three brothers, as well as Leah and Chris. Brendan had to go back to work after our time with his family, and the Genest’s had their holiday before ours, but everyone is hoping that next summer will find us all there at once. There’s something about being at the cottage together that strengthens family bonds – perhaps it’s all the time we spend playing and talking and enjoying each other’s company, away from the things that demand attention in our respective homes. The cottage houses many fond memories for all of us and being back every summer reminds us of shared laughs and meaningful moments.

This year's Clampet picture, before B left (taken by Dad)

The first of many rounds of Settlers of Catan

The Nest

Pat learning to water ski

For me, the best part of being at the cottage this year was seeing Liam enjoy the place I grew up loving. After having gotten used to the beach in Aylmer and at Bay du Vin, he felt immediately at home on Grand Lake. He also enjoyed swimming with his special new floatie (which I would highly recommend to any parents of toddlers!). He seemed very confident in the water and swam all the way out to the raft with me several times. When he wasn’t on the beach, he was playing up at the cottage, running around with his auntie and uncles and lapping up floods of affection. 

I’m so glad that summers at Cumberland Point will begin to populate the memories of my children, marking milestones and defining life’s chapters, as they have for me. 

Cousins

Miss Eloise is a tall and willowy two-year-old with beautiful doe eyes that drink in the world in great gulps. They are luminous, vividly displaying her precocious nature. 

Last summer she wasn’t sure about the bald headed intruder who came to distract the attention of her Mom and Nana. At Christmas, she seemed much more interested in Baby, and enjoyed riding with him in her new red wagon. Her parents tell us she talked about him for months afterwards. Although she knew many other babies, “Baby” had found a special place in her heart. This year Lee-mam and Eloise have become friends. Yesterday they played with trains and blocks and Buster (Eloise’s dog, whom Liam calls Freya, naturally). Eloise showed Liam how she dances in her living room and taught him how to kick down block castles. “Make a castle!” she said. So I did. When it was done, she gracefully thrust her dainty little foot into it. “Eloise kick it down!” she exclaimed triumphantly. Liam laughed. Later that evening, at David & Peggy’s, Peggy made a block castle for Liam. As soon as it was standing, out came the foot, down came the castle!

That's a hug, not a headlock. 

Eloise's camera smile

One of my favourite parts of watching Liam and Eloise together is seeing their dads get right into the mix. Both Brendan and Owen are exceedingly proud of their children and have leapt into fatherhood with great gusto. Brendan becomes like a kid himself around his little guy, mirroring Liam’s delight in games like Jumping on the Bed, Dancing on the Couch, or Running Like a Wild Thing All Through the House (all these games have a certain Daddy-esque quality with which Mommy sometimes feels compelled to interfere – but usually tries to restrain herself. As long as no one is getting hurt, I guess it’s ok!) Owen is equally exuberant in his interaction with Eloise. He is the definition of a Fun Dad, and I suspect that his little girl has just as much of a soft spot in her heart for Daddy as there is in his for her. Watching the four of them laughing and rolling around on the attic bed yesterday made me look forward to meeting the new cousins who will be joining the family in the coming years. It’s exciting to think of how these little people will shape our lives, teach us new roles, and make us into better versions of ourselves.

Holidays in New Brunswick

We drove to New Brunswick on Friday, August 3^rd, arriving in Fredericton around 3am. On Saturday, after a morning visit from Owen & Caleb, we headed to the market – Brendan’s Saturday morning samosa & donair run is mandatory whenever we’re in town. That afternoon we drove out to Burnt Church, where we met Bill & Susan. Liam was happy to see his Nana & Papa – as expected, Mom & Dad immediately took the back seat!

Blowing bubbles with Uncle Caleb on Saturday morning

Brendan and Bill played in the annual Burnt Church golf tournament on Sunday, and the whole community gathered for a potluck dinner in the evening. It was a nice opportunity to meet some of the folks from around the area, many of whom had grown up spending their summers in Burnt Church (as had Susan’s family).

On Monday morning, we made our way to the Marshall cottage at Bay du Vin, where we stayed until Friday. Bill & Susan joined us there later in the day and we spent the afternoon enjoying the sunshine and sandbars. Liam loves the beach, and though he’s a bit leery of seaweed (read: cries whenever a piece of it touches his foot), he still had fun playing in the sand and pouring water from one bucket to another.

That evening, Nana & Papa spent some quality time with their boy while Brendan and I went into town for dinner and a movie. We don’t get out on dates very often, so it was nice to spend the evening together.

Bill & Susan went back to Burnt Church on Tuesday evening, and on Wednesday, we were joined by Rob and Ole, and Toby and his nephew, Sam (who is just a few months older than Ole). They stayed two nights, leaving just before we did on Friday. We had a great couple of days. The little guys played really well together, and all three of them had naps and slept through the night – a winning combination! A highlight for the munchkins was the neighbour’s trampoline. They just couldn’t get enough! It was cute to see them running around in circles, bouncing each other up and down – and miraculously avoiding injury!

A stay at the cottage is never complete without a game of Ultimate Croquet. The 2012 edition took place on Thursday afternoon. The three big guys challenged each other on the course, little ones in tow, and me behind the camera. Brendan won the game and gloated for the rest of the day. He’s humble like that.

Friday morning was spent packing and cleaning to the soundtrack of Thomas and Friends and The Carebears. It was raining, so the babes had to stay inside – not the most fun thing to do at the cottage, but they held up all right. About half an hour before we were ready to go (the others had left by this time), Liam decided it was time to put his shoes on and get in the car. So on went the shoes, and out went the boy to stand by the car and wait. And there he stood, waiting for a good 30 minutes until Mom & Dad were finally ready. For an almost two-year-old, he has an amazing amount of patience and determination (probably mixed in with a healthy dose of stubbornness, if he’s anything like his parents!).

Dellica had been working while Rob and Ole were with us at the cottage, so we invited them all over for dinner in Fredericton on Friday evening. We took the boys to Queen Square after dinner, where they played on the jungle gym and Liam looked longingly at the pool. We told him we’d go back the next day, but today has been rainy and cool – fortunately he has a short memory (for the time being, at least!).

We did make it to the market this morning, despite the rain. No weather can keep Brendan from his samosas and donairs! Toby joined us this time and stayed for a short visit afterwards. We’re off to Owen & Amy’s for dinner this evening so that the cousins can play together. I’m hoping to get some good shots of the two of them!